Not today," says Fuller not even looking down in her direction."Wait, please wait" she begs.Fuller hesitates and stops.The other pedestrians flow around them."You can spit on me for a dollar," she offers.Fuller stares at her speechless."I know you despise me."For a minute, Fuller stops breathing. He is dressed in a business suit standing at a busy downtown street corner across from a park. He looks down at the panhandler. She is dressed in old blue jeans and a man's faded, plaid, wool shirt.She's thin with long brown hair. Her hair is parted in the middle. Her face has a pale, innocent, almost angelic look.In other circumstances, she could be a young college student, an artist, or the daughter of a business associate. There is nothing exceptional about her. Countless beggars like her loiter around the downtown streets asking for spare change.She is probably a drug addict, a homeless teenager, or a prostitute. Maybe, she's one of those cocaine whores that Fuller has read about in the. Irefract on myself. Ray, don't be afraid. You are getting a fantasy.You're wildest dream! And with Bambi. Ray, you're walking into adungeon where there are no choices. Ray, you wanted that. Ray, are youafraid? Ray, it's latex, and submission, and new. Ray, you will bepowerless if you go through this door.I look behind me. Nurse B left through another door that is not hereanymore. There is only this one. My hand trembles.Ray, ray, ray...It's so quiet in here, I can hear my whispers, myguilt, my shame, my loss of Her, my love. Whisssper. I blink in themirror. The mirror blinks back and shows me the most perfect eyeshadow, a face that is lovely beyond compare...Ray...my mind trails on the idea that Bambi wants me.It's not a doorknob, it's a lever. And it's tight. I grasp it, and pushit down. The hydraulics slide it open. And suddenly I am on stage.Three spotlights pale even my colorful makeup. I see camera peoplefilming me, two of them in cranes. Fake applause rolls over me. AndMaster.
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